Moving Forward With Grief: A Personal Reflection
This blog is for anyone who finds themselves facing the sometimes-debilitating pain and suffering of loss, either their own or through the eyes of someone they care deeply about.
Most people truly mean well and do not want to cause more emotional distress, but you may have a growing awareness that unless people have truly experienced one of life’s curveballs, or bombs, or shatterings, it can be difficult to understand. I want to help.
Grief Comes in Many Forms
Grief comes to us through so many life experiences: loss of our loved one, loss of functioning through illness or accident, loss of job or career, loss of relationship.
Some losses are visible and recognized by others; some are quiet and harder to name. You may be grieving the life you once knew, a role that gave you purpose, or a future you had imagined. Each of these can carry a weight that others might not fully see, but that you feel every day.
Professional Training and Personal Understanding
I have had specific counselling training to understand and support people who are experiencing grief or loss. You can expect compassion, caring, and sensitivity in our work. My goal is to try to understand your personal experience, and to support you on your journey.
However, I feel that it is important for others to know that my work goes beyond professional training. It also comes from a place of personal understanding. I have lived through multiple, profound losses in my own life, and this has shaped how I listen, how I sit with pain, and how I hold hope with people.
I do not know your personal pain. I cannot truly know your experience. However, I know the pain of loss. I am intimately acquainted with it. I do know from my experience that pain can bring you to your knees, and it can bring confusion that is beyond understanding.
When Words Help — and When They Hurt
I learned in my own life that some things people say are helpful, other attempts are less so, and still other words cut to the little bit of heart we have left. As well-intentioned as all the words of advice can be, they can also serve to invalidate.
Sometimes what we need most is not advice, but someone willing to gently stay with us in the pain, without rushing to fix it or explain it away. That kind of presence can help us feel less alone and slowly begin to breathe again.
“My mom taught me to never look away from people’s pain. The lesson was simple: Don’t look away. Don’t look down. Don’t pretend to not see hurt. Look people in the eye. Even when their pain is overwhelming. And, when you’re in pain, find the people who can look you in the eye.
“We need to know we’re not alone–especially when we’re hurting.”
– Brené Brown
These words capture much of what I believe about grief: we are not meant to carry it entirely by ourselves.
Moving Forward With, Not Moving On
It is often not about finding ways to “move on”, as this can imply that you will heal and be able to leave it behind. I find the phrase “move forward with” can be more realistic and helpful.
The grief does become less consuming, and we can gradually begin to focus outward and take safe, small steps into the unknown and unfamiliar. It is the narrative of perseverance and strength. The loss remains part of our story, but over time we may discover that it no longer defines every part of our day.
Let me encourage you to hope and believe that growth is always possible. This does not mean forgetting, or minimizing what has happened. It means allowing space for both the pain of what was lost and the possibility of what can still be.
A Gentle Invitation
If you recognize yourself in any of these words and are wondering whether it might help to talk with someone, you are not alone in that question. Grief counselling can offer a place where your story is heard, your feelings are respected, and your pace is honoured — whether your loss is recent or from months or years ago.
If you feel it may be helpful to speak with someone who understands both professionally and personally, I would be honoured to meet with you. You are welcome to reach out to explore whether working together feels like a good fit, and to arrange a confidential online counselling session. There is no pressure — just a conversation about what you need right now.
This blog is for general information and reflection only and is not a substitute for professional mental health care, diagnosis, or crisis support. If you are in immediate distress or crisis, please contact local emergency services or a crisis line in your area.